Undeniably God

Reflecting on how we got to this point in our lives, everything has been so divine. God has definitely set Keegan and I apart to do something – and I have a feeling I know what it is.

By happenstance, when Keegan was in Year 5, his Mum, took home an unwanted autobiographical book from a neighbour’s house to fuel Keegan’s passion for reading. Remarkably, this book directed the course of Keegan’s life and sparked a passion that would eventually lead him down this path to neurosurgery. The book was called “Gifted Hands” by Ben Carson – a Christian neurosurgeon. It is Ben’s life story, his passion for medicine that called out the gift that God had planted in Keegan’s heart.

In the last few years, having made it through medical school and after his first internship rotation in Neurosurgery, Keegan had decided to pursue Orthopaedics instead. There were a few reasons for this, but one that resonates with me is that Orthopaedics would definitely give us more time together with our family and to serve at church. Our lives would not be as heavily dictated by his work as it would be if he were in Neurosurgery. In addition to this, from Keegan’s perspective, it was also more rewarding to do Orthopaedics given the higher success rate and therefore satisfaction from his job. But, as we were soon to find out, God would very loudly direct our steps back towards the ‘harder’, narrower path for a distinct purpose. Fast-forward 15 years later and Keegan’s life verse Proverbs 16:9 sends ripples down my spine.

Not everyone has as direct a calling and purpose in life as evidenced in Keegan’s life, but I am confident that everyone’s time on earth has a divine or unique purpose.  This is why I have chosen to write about mine– I feel strongly that God is starting to move in us at a rapid pace. I know these entries will be a blessing, if not, only for me, so that I may return to these years down the track and see the promises and purposes of God and give Him more glory. We don’t usually see God’s hand at work unless we look back at our own lives. I have been writing about Keegan’s life so far because I know our stories are intertwined. My own path is currently not as clear as Keegan’s but I write with confidence that God is about to restore that in my mind this year.

In light of Proverbs 16:9, I want to share with you what I feel God has purposed in our hearts and I can’t wait to read this back in 20 years time, 2035, to see how this plan plays out. For now, this is what I ‘know’: Keegan and I will set up a hospital/educational centre somewhere in need. We will both pass on our skills and knowledge, in medicine and education, to the local people so that they can be self sufficient. Our prayer is that this will be a blessing to this community (wherever you are, we are thinking of you) for generations to come.

I write this in faith, hoping in the future, confident that God is at work, nervous that I will not be good enough to fulfil his plans, but comforted by the fact that I don’t need to be. God will make up for all that I lack: The Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want.

Lesson #2: A man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps (Proverbs 16:9).

The calm before the storm

My husband Keegan is about to start his first year as an unaccredited registrar in Neurosurgery. The story of how he got here is an entry in itself, but for now, things are just about to peak for us. I’m not a doctor and while I love to hear medical stories and look through pictures of the most gruesome scenarios, my insides squirm, half with excitement, half with fear when discussing abnormal bodily functions. I am far from medical but I find it extremely appealing. It’s similar to the way I feel about durian – I enjoy the aroma (like ripe mangoes) but I am not attuned to the taste and texture of the delicacy. Medicine is definitely for a select few.

I started this blog mainly because I felt I have learnt a lot through my involvement in medicine discursively – not as much academically as emotionally and philosophically. I am confident that my love affair with medicine (when you marry a doctor, you marry into medicine too) will continue to produce light bulb moments that may bless others as it will bless my own life. I believe these moments should be shared as vulnerable as it may be for me. Not to mention, it tires my husband to hear of my thought process after he comes home from work, so journaling appears to be a reflective and relaxing alternative. Who knows, maybe he will read this and comment?

The biggest lesson I have learnt recently through medicine is a better way to view challenges and failures. The attributes I admire most in my husband is his self confidence (without being cocky), determination and perseverance in the face of failures and challenges. These were instilled in him from young by his parents who stood by the belief that their children could achieve anything they put their minds toward. Despite my parents giving similar instruction, through no fault of theirs, I found myself believing that failing meant I was no good and that I must not have been made for that particular goal I was trying to achieve. Eventually after a few disheartened reattempts, I would give up or run out of steam. I was fascinated to find that failure fueled Keegan’s determination. Instead of taking criticism and failure as a sign to give up, he saw it as a lesson to be learned and areas to improve on. The game for him would be to identify these areas and work to develop these as quickly as possible. While our external reactions to failure are similar - I can draw up a professional development plan and identify areas for development, my heart takes a harder blow than Keegan’s, perhaps because I had always valued others’ opinions above my own.

A few lessons that I am still learning is the connection between our heads, heart, hands and hope. Here's what I've learnt: It all starts with the power of words. Take a sip of truth, repeat it often and it will stir into our bodies and infiltrate our hearts.  As the truth sinks in, we grow faith, trust and hope which overflow naturally into our actions. Head, heart, hands and hope, where ‘hope’ is a confident expectation of the future. I was never a fan of failure and pressure until I learnt that if my own attitude towards this changed, I would fulfill my own God-given potential. Perhaps claiming to be a fan is an overstatement, but where there is pain, there is growth, but above all there is love. 

Lesson #1: Fear of man is a dangerous trap, but trusting in the Lord means safety (Proverbs 29:25).