The calm before the storm

My husband Keegan is about to start his first year as an unaccredited registrar in Neurosurgery. The story of how he got here is an entry in itself, but for now, things are just about to peak for us. I’m not a doctor and while I love to hear medical stories and look through pictures of the most gruesome scenarios, my insides squirm, half with excitement, half with fear when discussing abnormal bodily functions. I am far from medical but I find it extremely appealing. It’s similar to the way I feel about durian – I enjoy the aroma (like ripe mangoes) but I am not attuned to the taste and texture of the delicacy. Medicine is definitely for a select few.

I started this blog mainly because I felt I have learnt a lot through my involvement in medicine discursively – not as much academically as emotionally and philosophically. I am confident that my love affair with medicine (when you marry a doctor, you marry into medicine too) will continue to produce light bulb moments that may bless others as it will bless my own life. I believe these moments should be shared as vulnerable as it may be for me. Not to mention, it tires my husband to hear of my thought process after he comes home from work, so journaling appears to be a reflective and relaxing alternative. Who knows, maybe he will read this and comment?

The biggest lesson I have learnt recently through medicine is a better way to view challenges and failures. The attributes I admire most in my husband is his self confidence (without being cocky), determination and perseverance in the face of failures and challenges. These were instilled in him from young by his parents who stood by the belief that their children could achieve anything they put their minds toward. Despite my parents giving similar instruction, through no fault of theirs, I found myself believing that failing meant I was no good and that I must not have been made for that particular goal I was trying to achieve. Eventually after a few disheartened reattempts, I would give up or run out of steam. I was fascinated to find that failure fueled Keegan’s determination. Instead of taking criticism and failure as a sign to give up, he saw it as a lesson to be learned and areas to improve on. The game for him would be to identify these areas and work to develop these as quickly as possible. While our external reactions to failure are similar - I can draw up a professional development plan and identify areas for development, my heart takes a harder blow than Keegan’s, perhaps because I had always valued others’ opinions above my own.

A few lessons that I am still learning is the connection between our heads, heart, hands and hope. Here's what I've learnt: It all starts with the power of words. Take a sip of truth, repeat it often and it will stir into our bodies and infiltrate our hearts.  As the truth sinks in, we grow faith, trust and hope which overflow naturally into our actions. Head, heart, hands and hope, where ‘hope’ is a confident expectation of the future. I was never a fan of failure and pressure until I learnt that if my own attitude towards this changed, I would fulfill my own God-given potential. Perhaps claiming to be a fan is an overstatement, but where there is pain, there is growth, but above all there is love. 

Lesson #1: Fear of man is a dangerous trap, but trusting in the Lord means safety (Proverbs 29:25).